[Repost] The Story of the Spider and the Web
Disclaimer: This story is reposted from the internet. Some content may not be suitable for minors. Those under 12, please do not enter; minors aged 12-18 should read under parental guidance.
The Story of the Spider and the Web
A River Crab (河蟹 - a homophone for “harmony/censorship”) was walking down the road when he looked up and saw a spider spinning a web in the corner.
River Crab: Is your web registered (beian‘d) yet?
Spider: Huh? I have to register (beian) just to spin a web?
River Crab: Of course you have to register! That way, if anything goes wrong in the future, we can trace exactly whose web it is!
Spider: …
River Crab: Stop spinning right now and go register. Without a beian registration, you aren’t allowed to spin. Even if you do, I’ll cut it down for you.
The River Crab brandished his two large claws. Panicked, the spider immediately scurried off to register. It was the spider’s first time visiting this government department, and he found that it was run by a bunch of snails.
Many days passed, but the spider’s beian was still nowhere to be found. He asked the snails several times, but they kept telling him it was “in progress.” The spider was absolutely starving, so he went ahead and secretly spun his web anyway. One morning, he woke up, stretched, and went to grab some breakfast, only to find his web completely gone. His neighbors told him that the River Crab had cut it down without saying a single word. The spider was furious and wanted to fight the River Crab to the death, but thinking of those massive claws, he ultimately let it go.
A kind Grass Mud Horse (草泥马 - a legendary creature used to mock censorship) secretly told the spider that over the Wall, you don’t need any registration to spin a web. The spider was thrilled. Although the Wall was extremely high, he managed to scramble over it. Sure enough, the weather outside the Wall was beautiful, the scenery was endless, and most importantly, there were no annoying River Crabs to bother him.
But as time went on, the spider began to feel a bit nostalgic. Some of the bugs inside the Wall were so plump, delicious, and delightfully clueless; just thinking of them made his mouth water. Unfortunately, the Wall was too high for those naive bugs to fly out. So the spider climbed back over the Wall, and to his surprise, the snails had finally approved his beian. The spider quickly spun a brand new web in his old spot. Ah, the bugs inside the Wall were indeed delightfully naive and delicious!
One afternoon, the spider suddenly felt his web vibrating violently. He opened his eyes and saw a pair of flies mating (xxoo) who had accidentally crashed into the web. Since the spider was already full and the midday sun was scorching hot, he chuckled, muttered “idiots,” and retreated to his burrow for a nap.
In his half-sleep, he suddenly heard shouting. Rubbing his eyes, he came out and saw the River Crab. The River Crab pointed at the mating flies and yelled hysterically: “Look at this! Just look at this! How vulgar! How pornographic! Do you have any sense of social morality?! Do you have any idea how much this harms the physical and mental health of our youth?!”
With that, the River Crab waved his claws and snipped the spider’s web into pieces. The spider stared heartbrokenly at his ruined web, thinking: “I pay taxes to support you, yet you act so completely inhumane.” But he was completely powerless against the River Crab. After some deep thought, he bid a tearful farewell to the Grass Mud Horse, scaled the Wall once more, and settled on the outside. And the spider lived happily ever after.